The Latvian Football Association on Sunday fielded a squad of holograms against the Netherlands in a Euro 2016 qualifier in Amsterdam, officials from the European football body UEFA said.
After a 6-0 thrashing won by the Dutch, UEFA opted to investigate reports that the Latvians had enabled a hologram system to play the game in lieu of their players.
One stadium employee said he saw the team huddled in a back room behind the locker room during the first half playing table soccer, watching winter biatholon heats, drinking beer and telling jokes.
“We strongly suspect that the Latvians decided they didn’t have an adequate chance in the game and fielded a squad of 11 holograms in the match against the Dutch,” Rolf Egerson, UEFA field investigations director, told News Snot.
The Dutch led 3-0 at the half — the Dutch could easily have been ahead by double that margin were it not for several questionable offsides calls against the Orange and a few near misses.
“Of course these reports were not true,” Latvian Football Association spokesman Girts Ivanovs was quoted as saying. “But in a parallel universe, when you have a lesser football nation like Latvia scheduled against a football giant like Netherlands, perhaps it could be conceivable to take a day to maybe show up but maybe not to play.
“Perhaps if someone in a dark tunnel under the stadium offered us the possibility of using a technological solution to actually give us the option of fielding virtual players and losing a one-sided match that would be fun for their fans would make some sense to us. We could avoid injuries and exhaustion and some of our players would rather play the foozball and drink some beers than play the Dutch. But again, this is only theoretically,” Ivanovs added.
The hologram technology was reportedly supplied by a Finnish concern, Woosikko, based in Parmmalatte.
The Dutch, meanwhile, had mixed feelings about the allegations that their Latvian opponents were holograms.
“They looked pretty realistic, but there were an awful lot of shots that went through their entire bodies,” one Dutch player who wished to remain unidentified told News Snot.
A Netherlands official close to the investgation showed outrage at the possibility of the ruse: “This is utterly pathetic. I can’t tell you how many such complaints I’ve heard about the better European teams playing against legions of light in the qualifiers. Why don’t they just send us their women?”
“This is a load of crap. It’s like Area 51 meets UEFA,” another Netherlands player quipped. “There were big husky Latvians on the field playing against us and they kicked too. They dented my shin.”